1 am thoughts

or: what I learned when you left/a ranty-ass mess

Grief comes in waves and right now i’m caught in the proverbial undertow and all i can hear is my heartbeat, fast and frantic under the soft whisper in my mind that keeps repeating: I told you from the beginning who I was.

if i’ve learned anything from when you left it is that who and what i am is not different, and never was different and that if anything, you fell in love with someone that never existed and then waited for me to live up to an idea. As time and life like pressure on coal have…