Doubt.

I have a friend who keeps telling me that I should stop trying to heal a broken system.

I should back up.

I work for an organization that runs on ideology. We have a mission, and most of the people that work there are devoted to carrying out that mission. We deal in…delicate matters, and because of this we face a fair degree of opposition. My sense is that for so long, the leadership’s focus has been on simply existing — on keeping the doors open and making sure we can continue to do what we do. But an organization driven by ideology alone will develop its own momentum, and suddenly, the mission is less about the mission and more about…survival. It’s not about values or helping people, it’s just about the bottom line.

I’ve been there for awhile now. I started out just needing a job and wanting to do something that helped people, not necessarily mission driven, but proud and happy to be working for something I could believe in. I did see some issues, and had a pretty decent working relationships with the higher ups. We had regular meetings and discussions that I thought were productive. At least, they seemed willing, even interested, to hear what I was seeing and what I thought might help. It felt really good. I was learning some skills I never thought I’d learn and people were actually listening to me about stuff I studied about how things could be better.